So how do we know if he or she is the right person?

If you’ve been a student, you knew what student life meant. If you’re married, you would know what marriage looks like. If you are a parent, you know how is it like when they were 2, 10, teens, becoming young adults and so on. You get the drift. When you have done enough mistakes, you learn.

I’ve said earlier what one should look for in a partner and why choose to date. I’ve spoken to a couple of people with broken relationships or divorces and interestingly it has been the most common way that these couples met. One or both of them was in a place of need. It was always the “lowest point” in their lives. To these people, the other party looked like the “*savior”. Some people enjoy being a “*savior”. It would start off as friends, then the sharing of problems, then the proximity of time spent talking about other stuffs that both parties tend to magnify in their lives and soon agree with one another. This part about the agreeing with one another, is the most dangerous point.

What are you agreeing with? When you agree enough and find enough support for the things ungodly, you will soon compromise yourselves. Remember it always starts with “harmless” agreements like, I don’t agree with the sermon today, I don’t agree with the how the church worship is, I don’t like so and so, and so forth.

The enemy first entices you by agreeing with you what you are most unhappy about. When he has your confidence, he takes the next step to draw you in. This is usually in the form of your weakness that you are struggling with, yet to overcome. Examples would be, addictive habits – smoking, drinking, all things pertaining to sex and it’s sensuality. It may start with just a movie. Eventually movies that compromise God’s standards –  movies filled with mild porn, sexual acts, violence and underworld spiritism (things you have been avoiding suddenly becomes okay) Also note that more often than not, you become the “old man”, the one you used to be, doing things you used to do. Once you are drawn in, your life becomes a compromise.

Most often I am hearing people saying, “I am not sinning.” “I didn’t do anything wrong”. Well, we are just sleeping next to each other, no sex involved. Sometimes. I am just talking with him. I go holidays with her and spend time getting to know each other. We are just good friends. We just talk. Sometimes. She’s just a companion. We don’t want to spend too much money on separate rooms. That won’t make money sense.

And sure enough, you do have all the justifications to your actions that you are “safe” and dating safely, or is that the real truth?

By the way, the word “sometimes” was never mentioned in the conversation. It is what is spoken between the lines.

Here’s the truth. You know. God has placed it in your heart, the truth. It is the matter of you, choosing.

Joseph flee from Potiphar’s wife. He lived to see the destiny God placed him in Egypt, to save the family, the entire promised generation of stars. (Genesis 39:7-10) Samson on the other hand, stayed thinking that he can overcome Delilah, which led to his death. Samson let pride stay. (Judges 16)

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life – Deuteronomy 30:19

A healthy partnership or relationship is build on the foundation of God’s love. One that Light can shine on and bear fruit. One that honors Him. If being with this person weakens your faith, makes you feel confused, unable to worship, and lose your sense of direction for your life, lose your Godly friends, compromising Godly commandments, it is a clear indication that this relationship is not God centered. Becoz God is not a God of confusion but of Peace. And one other thing, (on the spiritual warfare side) especially if you feel the “strong need” to be with the person even though knowing that it is not healthy for you and you keep trying to justify the relationship, the enemy has you in it’s grasp. Like a serpent coiling around you and tightening it’s grip. So, what do you do in this situation? Call it off. Like Joseph, flee. It doesn’t need an explanation.

Take time to build yourself up in the Lord. If you have compromised, know that we all have and it’s not too late. Learn God’s way to having a healthy relationship. God’s ways are higher than our ways. It’s not about your biological clock, as He has proven with Abraham and Sarah, it’s not about your family legacy, Boaz married Ruth the Moabites and the generation continued on, it’s not about the “right fit”, as in Jacob marrying Rachel but the Godly fit, that the lineage of Jesus would come from Leah who loved God.

In order to overcome your struggles, you must learn to hate what God hates. Love what God loves. In my wandering years, Psalm 119 brought me home. His Word became my Lamp. I used to fall from pit hole to pit hole. My struggles was trying to fill my need or identifying the who am I. Emotional need, physical need. It kept me on the hamster turbine, chasing after something – what is it for you? what is in your turbine? money, comfort, identity, security, love? all these that drives you to ungodly behaviours, and don’t even know why you are so tired? Justifying your every action and deemed it to be righteous? Only His Word set me free (from the turbines) and it will be so for you too.

Jonah ran away (flee – NASB) and hid from God. He didn’t want to do what God called him to do. When he eventually ended up in the fish belly, he was at the end of himself. The book of Jonah records that “water encompassed me to the point of death, weeds were wrapped around my head”. Jonah remembered the Lord and prayed. “Salvation is from the Lord”. After Jonah did what he was told to do, he was still angry about it. God, you see, had more than 120,000 people saved through Jonah’s proclamation to the people of Nineveh. Our lives was not about us. It is about the 120,000 people. God has chosen us to lead a Godly life, set apart, for the 120,000 people.

Are you fleeing from God or fleeing from the ungodly relationship? This is what a relationship is and is not. God will not make that choice for you. You have to choose it for yourself. Know this, you will come out stronger in your faith and God will bless your obedience.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:2 NLT

N.B. To believe yourself as a *savior to people’s troubles is pride. Jesus is the only Savior.

 

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