I feared. For many years I have feared men. No my dad was not abusive. Firm, yes. Man of few words, he is. He didn’t have to say much as a single dad. He just gave “the look”. Oh yes, dads have “the look” too. He was hardly home. He works all day long taking a couple of jobs just to feed us three kids. He never remarried. I saw his broken heart when my mom walked out. He drank everyday. He cried for her, for years. He made his mistakes. It was too painful for her to bear, in silence. They each have their side of the stories.
I remembered the day she came back to pack her things and left. There was nothing he could do. He pointed us to her and said “what about them?”. She said nothing and walked. He had to carry on. He fed us. He cooked, taught us how to cook and do housework. I was seven and the oldest was ten. And we managed on our own. He was always there whenever he could and the only way he know how to be a parent.
That was the framework I have on a man and relationship. Besides my dad, no other men or woman could be trusted. Growing up, I’ve seen the child molesters – man or woman, gossipers, haters, and everything on the wrong side of the world. Every friendship or relationship ends up in someone taking the advantage of my sexuality and person. This is the world that many of us grew up in.
From a young age, our common enemy has perverted our mindset the goodness of God’s creation – man, woman & relationship. And we live in this pain, as a child, a teenager and into our adulthood. That is why many of our relationships didn’t work. Christians or not. You would think that Christians would know better about relationships. No. We all carried this perversion into our marriages. And we will try to “fix it”, “fix her”, “fix him”. We want to make it work, the way we believe it would. We read every book, go to seminars, counsellors and even Bible school just to want to “fix things”. And of course there are those that have watched the Christians failed in their marriages and say “why should I even bother to follow what they believed in?”. Fifty percent of Christian marriages ends up in divorce. So what is the problem?
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children – Hosea 4:6
For the lack of knowledge of the ways of God, our children, our legacy, our generation will decay further and further. Why would the Bible say that we have rejected knowledge? Some of the ways of rejection is you don’t read the Word – you might find out something you don’t like, you don’t believe what was written in the Word, you know what it says yet you don’t practise it and even give excuse why you do what you do. The Bible has written very clear instructions for us to live our ways in accordance to His. And I believe many will even argue that you have already done everything written there.. “what more Lord do you want of me!!”
Until we come to a place of total submission, which will take you through phases of understanding, you will lack the knowledge of the His Ways. Yes, I still hear people of God saying “I have surrendered totally, flat on the ground… how else can I do this?” It’s really not how flat you go… it’s how many times you continue to allow Him to go deeper into all areas of your life, your secrets, your cave, the toys you carry, the games you play, the “I got this” control. It’s the “kryptonite” of our lives. When you invite Jesus into your lives, He will want all of you, to cleanse you, to rebuild you, to restore you to His household and all the inheritance He wants you to have. He does not only want you to have eternal life and leave you to figure things out until He comes or you go to Heaven. He meant to restore you to His original purpose and design for you here on earth. The only way to do that is to remove all that have been stored in you since birth.
After everything was created, God created man. Then it’s the first time God said “it is not good for man to be alone”. In Hebrew the original language of the Bible, to be alone mean – all in one. God said it would not be good for Adam to be all in one… that he has everything in him, therefore God took a piece of Adam… to make Eve. Adam was a person who was whole. Eve was made to be helper to Adam. Then God said to them “Be fruitful and multiply” – in modern language it would translate as God said “Go and have sex and have babies” God designed sex, and sex was good. That was the first marriage.. consummating in sex. He didn’t have a paper to sign, wedding bells and flowers whatever. That is God’s way of identifying marriage – consummating in sex.
What the enemy cannot do, the enemy binds you. Knowing what is important to God, the serpent is out to destroy every good thing God has created. So, the enemy plants all sorts of sexual perversion, pornography, sexual needs, explicit photos, advertisements, and self glorifications to be sexy… to bind your thirst for what God has made sacred. Some will say, “oh but I wasn’t a Christian when I did this, so I am not bound to this” Wrong. God designed this rule before Adam was called Christian. We are all subjected to this principle. Therefore, unknowingly we have created many soul ties with relationships we had, whether it was before you were “born again” or after.
Why do I choose to mention this? Because I realised, the core of all our insecurities, sadness, brokenness came from our sexual misconceptions. This misconception has torn our lives in ways that only God can heal. People think “oh now that I know this.. I guess to correct my wrong is to marry her” No. To correct the wrong is to do the right thing, which is – stop doing what you are doing. And allow God to walk you through a healing process. What if I love her and want to marry her? So, is this God’s plan for you or your plans?
The man after God’s heart, King David sinned against God by taking Bathsheba for himself through sexual impurity. Then he married her. Nothing good came after that. Their son died. His own son took his wives and usurped him. His beloved son Absalom died. Don’t be deceived. What God cursed cannot be blessed.
Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more! 9 Why have you despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in His sight? You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon. 10 Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ 11 Thus says the Lord: ‘Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.’”
13 So David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die.
– 2 Samuel 12:1-13
You may say, but I didn’t kill anyone to have her, I didn’t do this and that. My dear friend, God is Sovereign. His ways are the only way to Life. This is the reason that many Christian marriages ends in divorce, sadness and lovelessness. You may be still in the marriage holding up the covenant, but you have walked out of your destiny. You may have ministries and duties that you do as a married couple, but your inner lives will continue to be empty. Our God is a jealous God. Many of us have walked out of our destiny, that is why our men walk with head down, hiding in caves, shut up in wounds. And women living in loneliness even in marriage. This wound, this brokenness in the past relationships – Christians or not, have not been addressed to God. You can say a prayer to cut all soul ties.. but that is not what God desires from you – just a prayer to solve all your problems away. Instant results. We have depended on methods to “cast the demons and all things” and missing the point. God wants to do a deeper work in your life, to restore you to Him, to make you whole.
And until I have come to this place, I did not know it, how to be His beloved – a woman of God. How I can be free in truth and in Spirit. Someone once asked Kathryn Kuhlman, “what does it take to get to where you are now?” Her reply was, “it costed me everything…. everything”. And I believe it meant, everything.. just to be His Beloved.
I finally found contentment, in this season, to be with Him. My eyes are wide open and my sexual gate is guarded. I don’t see trees now (Mark 22-25) I see men, I see women walking in brokenness, in silent cries, in anguish that no words can comfort. If I can choose again, I would choose this journey He brought me out from. I have spent my day and nights crying, the tears that won’t stop, the bleeding of the heart that no one can see, the screams that have no sound, beating my fists to no avail, and He… He watched in pain, the pains that have been inflicted on us. He cries too to see you cry everyday. He patiently waits for you if you would let Him. Let Him hold you, whisper into your ears, take all your pains, help you to understand you – His ways for you and all His plans for you.
This is what it means “to be set apart for God”. When you are willing, He will restore you and you will be a blessing to your marriage, your children & those around you. (Deuteronomy 30) – God’s initial intention in the garden of Eden – PURITY IN LOVE.
mamajenn ❤